The Pain of a Memory - Part III

Here is the continuing story of The Pain of a Memory, by yours truly. :) The first two parts are here and here. I hope you enjoy! :)

***

Lan held his spear higher. His country was in war, but he had never been in battle before this day, and the thought of it loomed black and terrible in his mind. Lan looked to his side. There stood his older companion, Elaeus, looking grimly ahead, perhaps in anticipation of the battle to come. Elaeus undoubtedly had to be just as uneasy, no matter how little so he seemed to be.

Lan  looked down at his hands. They were shaking violently in his fear. Only for his country, the only thing he fought for, would Lan do this. He tried to turn his mind from the unpleasant prospect. But his thoughts trailed along a thin strand, only ever washing fear and doubt back into his mind. Would he ever come back? Would Elaeus ever come back?

Oh, why did Elaeus have to come into this war? It was not his country's to fight, and yet he came. Elaeus was an Ingrecian, and this war was being fought for Belestine, Lan's own country. But Elaeus said that if the Nistrians, who were invading Belestine, got past or even into Belestine, they would then surely attack Ingrecia, so therefore it was Ingrecia's duty - and necessarily Elaeus' duty - to fight as well. But Lan didn't like it. He was glad that he would not be alone... but he did not want his friend to have to fight. And Elaeus had far more to live for than Lan did. Elaeus had a family - two siblings, a mother, a wife... Why did he have to come...? But then, if - as Elaeus said they would - the Nistrians came into Ingrecia, he also had far more to protect and fight for.

Lan, on the other hand, was only here to serve his country, or rather, to attempt it feebly. He had no siblings, no mother, and no wife to protect. He was merely a boy... a boy with no one to fight for.

But he would still fight, and he would make sure both he and Elaeus came back... or at least Elaeus. Even though they had no experience, they would come through, or at least so Lan tried to tell himself. Yes, they would come back. Elaeus would return to his lady, Rita, and then over time Lan could come visit and play with their children. That was indeed a far better thing to think about then any other result of this ominous battle.

"Don't worry, Lan. We'll come back soon enough", said Elaeus suddenly, as though he had guessed what Lan had been thinking. Perhaps he had been thinking the same thing.

"Well, I'll make sure you do", said Lan, attempting a brave smile, though not feeling quite so brave. "You have to - Rita would never forgive me if you didn't"

Elaeus smiled back, a trace of sorrow in his eyes. "And you have to come back too, or else I'll never forgive you either"

Lan sighed and made to answer, but then the trumpet calling their section of men into the battle sounded, interrupting them abruptly. Elaeus then quickly patted Lan's hand grimly and ran out into the battle. Lan then ran forth behind him, ever carefully watching his friend.

As Lan rushed into it, he looked around desolately. The battle was an endless rage, almost impossible to tell who was Belestinian and who was Nistrian. Lan didn't think he'd ever be able to wipe it away from his memory. Clanging of swords and yells of battle were all that could be heard as Lan fought by his friend's side. He was blindly surrounded by both friend and enemy fallen and still falling every moment. The sound of cries both raging and grieving echoed in Lan's mind. It was not, as any poet had before stated it, 'a field of glory', but surely only of slaughter, death, and such horrible atrocities.

Lan himself was always but an inch away from Death, only narrowly victorious, to have attack on his person renewed. The sword of one of the Nistrian soldiers slit deeply across Lan's right hand from somewhere in the warring chaos. Lan dropped his sword with a cry of agony. He picked it up again quickly with his left hand and clumsily continued to fight for his survival.

Then Lan realized he had lost sight of Elaeus. He circled around looking for Elaeus. He could not lose Elaeus. He  just couldn't go back to Elaeus' folks without Elaeus. Lan searched the chaotic red plain. Only yards off was Elaeus and another companion, Ariff, fighting in an almost unmanned area, surrounded by enemy soldiers. So Lan sprinted as swiftly as he could over to them, cutting carelessly through enemy lines, only thinking of making it there. Elaeus and Ariff were being ever and ever more surrounded.

Their strength seemed to be failing amidst all the opponents, they seemed as though they would be overpowered. They were getting separated even from each other. Lan himself was getting slowly overwhelmed by the enemy. Then Lan fell, his own sword failing for his inability to fight left-handed any longer. He got up, and began to try and run to Elaeus and Ariff again, muttering at his own stumble and lack of ability. He called ahead to them hopefully. Elaeus looked in his direction for a moment. Lan then was able to reach Ariff... only just in time to see an enemy sword hack into Elaeus only but yards away. Elaeus, still turned to Lan, staggered for a split-second - expression distant - and then crumpled to the ground limply.

No! This couldn't happen! Lan watched only a moment more in shock. Elaeus did not rise up again. Undoubtedly, if he had not already been killed, he was now, for being trampled by the discordant violence. There was no way that he could have survived. Lan turned his sights away from the spot, and, with a loud cry, began to fight with twice as much strength as before, even for his inexperience. For what seemed a timeless eternity, Lan was only conscious of fighting. Blind, disarrayed fighting was all Lan was aware of doing. The only person anywhere around him was Ariff, until somehow, eventually, the battle had ended. It had been won, but to Lan it did not feel as though it had.

The battle was over. Lan sank down onto the hillside lifelessly. Ariff soon sat down next to him wordlessly. Ariff merely held up some bandaging rags, and indicated Lan's injured hand.

Lan turned to Ariff. "Ariff   ", he began, faltering and looking down. He wasn't sure he could speak after all.

It was all Lan's fault, and he knew it well. All because he was a fool without a mind. All because he couldn't fight for himself, much less defend his friends. All because he'd had to distract Elaeus. How could he live with himself knowing he'd as well as killed his best friend?

Ariff put his hand upon Lan's shoulder grimly, interrupting Lan's thoughts. "I know of what you are thinking, Lan", Ariff spoke slowly as he began to bind the gash on Lan's hand. "Please... have reason. You are not at fault, Lan. The only one to blame is war"

"It was my fault, Ariff. I failed to help, and even cost him his attention... I stumbled, and--" Lan faltered and swallowed. "--And I was too late"

"You are very young, Lan. You had no experience, and neither had Elaeus. The fault belonged to neither of you", said Ariff, finishing and tying off the bandage.

But as Lan looked across the corpse be-ridden plain, he knew that he could never accept this. He would never truly live again.

Ariff looked down at Lan pleadingly. "You must not grieve, Lan, he would not want it, and it is useless"

Lan attempted a shaky laugh. "No, indeed he wouldn't" He got up. "I have to leave this place, Ariff. I can never be at peace until this war is ended, so no one else may die... like Elaeus did...", he faltered again, clearing his throat. "Never again..."

Never would this happen again. So Lan had vowed that day. Now, as he stood upon the hilltop overlooking the place where the battle once had been, so long ago, he remembered it all as clearly as ever. And it was still just as bitter a memory. He gazed grimly down upon the treacherous field. It now bore new grasses, and looked - quite deceivingly so - no longer a war's memorial. But no matter how it looked, it always remained to him a cold memorial, not of war's glory, but of its savagery...

And that's it for now. What did you think? I apologize for both the unexpected POV switch and the horrendous info-dumping in the beginning there. So... who's ready to get back to Anwynne? ;) Or do you prefer to see where Lan goes? Or... will you wait until the next part for another different POV? Or are you asleep because that was kind-of boring (it was!) and very badly written (it definitely was!)? ;D I am also open to any critiques or suggestions. :)