The Pain of a Memory - Part VII

The previous parts are below:

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Part VI

Please enjoy!

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Lan gazed bitterly down the hill. He needed to find something... The first thing his eyes alighted upon, though, was a peaceful village below. This was where he might find out what he wished to know.

To any other eyes, perhaps, it was a beauteous and quaint little circle of houses, but it wasn't to Lan's. He had been here before, so long ago... It had changed a little. Now a fountain stood on the outskirts where once an small inn had been. A small inn, where much had happened. Yes, that was long ago, in the village's earlier days, when Lan had last seen it... Almost eleven years before...

Lan bit his lip. Was he really ready to do this? To put aside everything and tell Elaeus' family what had happened? He wasn't quite sure. Lan's heart beat wildly as he walked down the hill into the village. He had to do this. He was going to tell Elaeus' family and Rita that Elaeus was dead. Alas, why did he have to be the bearer of such black news?! He would have to be the one to tell Elaeus' mother she was without her firstborn. He would be the one to tell Elaeus' small siblings that they were now brotherless. He would be the one to make Rita a widow.

Alone... he had to do it alone because there was no Elaeus to guide him. Not anymore. Ariff was tending the wounded back at camp, and Lan had no one to accompany him in this terrible task.

Lan reached the village. A small inn stood near the outskirts. Here Elaeus' family had traveled together, just to be able to see Elaeus. A terrible thing it was that their travel should have been in vain.

An involuntary sigh escaped Lan's lips. He dreaded entering that inn, but he had to tell them. He couldn't run from it forever. Lan stopped in front of the inn door. He took a breath and entered.

Lan nervously looked down at the sword hanging in his belt. It was Elaeus' own. It had been found on the ground, no doubt dropped in the chaos of combat and lost from its owner. It now belonged to Elaeus' family. It was unfortunately the only token that Lan had to give them.

Still hesitating in his course, Lan looked around at the almost empty first room of the inn. It was full of mostly abandoned tables, and lit only by  a couple of glowing torches. Only one corner of the room had any occupants. Elaeus' mother sat at one of the tables with the twins on either side of her. Rita sat with them, her face joyfully lit by torchlight and a smile. No doubt they made merry while in wait for Elaeus... Elaeus who would never come. The twins looked sleepy but happy. One of the twins, a small black-haired girl, tugged at her mother's skirt.

"Mama?", she spoke, a tinge of impatience in her gentle voice. "When's Elaeus coming?"

At this, the other twin, an untidy little brown-haired boy, turned also to his mother. "Yes, Mama!", he piped up. "When much longer?"

Their mother smiled. "How much longer, Erry, darling. You'd think your education would do something for you..." She shook her head and then turned to them both. "Don't you worry, Elie. He'll be here soon enough, and once he does get here it's off to bed with both of you"

"But, Mama   ", both Erry and Elie began to protest.

"I told you that you could stay out here until your brother came   no longer, dears"

"Don't worry", Rita then addressed them, smiling. "Since we came here, we'll be able to see him as long as his band is here. You'll get to see him again"

Lan couldn't bear listening to their talk. They would never get to see Elaeus again, because he was never coming back. And it was all Lan's fault. It should have been him    not Elaeus. Lan was an orphan, and had no one to mourn his being gone but Elaeus... Elaeus had a family to support. Now that family would be alone in a foreign country. And Lan couldn't even help them in recompense because his military band moved out tomorrow. Lan clenched his fist. It should have been him hacked to pieces and trampled in the dust... Why Elaeus?

Lan stepped slowly out of the doorway and into the room where Elaeus' family was. He cleared his throat, trying to ready himself. Rita turned about, and her eyes alighted upon Lan. She stood up and smiled at him brightly.

"Lan!", she greeted him, stepping forward. "Lan, I'm so glad to see you    is Elaeus far behind?"

Lan looked away a moment and bit his lip. He looked back to Rita hesitantly.

Rita turned to face the twins and their mother. "Shouldn't be too long a time, should it, Elie and Erry? And now Lan is here to wait and laugh with us!"

The twins both smiled gleefully and made as though to run to Lan. He put his hand up to stay them. He couldn't bear this any longer. Erry looked up to him questioningly for this sudden gesture. It seemed to Lan that he saw Elaeus' face in Erry. The same brown hair, the same warm, determined grey eyes. Even that same expression. Lan looked forcibly away from Erry and back to Rita. Her look also seemed to question Lan's action.

"Lan, what    ?", she began but stopped suddenly. A flicker of fear flashed through her eyes. "Lan, where is my husband?"

Lan looked down. He pulled Elaeus' sword out of its sheath. He walked to the table and laid the sword down upon it. Then he walked silently back to Rita.

"I    that's Elaeus' sword...", Rita stammered. "Lan, where is he? When is he coming back?"

Lan hesitated a moment. He couldn't bear having to do it. "Elaeus    he won't come back, Rita. He's gone" Lan choked a lump out of his throat. He swallowed and waited for Rita's reaction dreadingly.

 Rita looked down blankly. She stumbled backwards and leaned against the table as though in need of a support.

"Lan?" Suddenly the voice of Erry came from next to Lan as someone tugged Lan's cloak. Lan looked down, only to see the twins at his side. "Lan, why isn't Elaeus coming back tonight?", asked Erry innocently.

"Yes, Lan, where did he go?", queried Elie concernedly.

"I think, young ones, Lan means that you brother did not go anywhere", their mother's voice spoke up, with a cracked, empty tone to it. "Your brother... is dead"

 

Elie looked to Lan as though she didn't believe that was what he'd meant. Erry looked down almost angrily, like he was refusing to believe it.

"Is that what you meant, Lan?", Erry asked. His voice had hurt and disbelief in it.

Lan looked down. He couldn't find in himself to answer.

"Lan? Is that what you mean? Is my son dead?", Elaeus' mother asked him sadly.

Lan nodded but did not look up. He clenched his fists in grief. "I'm sorry", he said finally, looking up after a moment.

"No! He isn't! He's coming back!", cried Erry in an upset tone.

Rita fell back. "He's gone", she said breathlessly, and she collapsed. Elaeus' mother caught her and sat with her.

"Oh, Erry, even Rita says he's gone! Erry!" Elie turned to Erry distressedly, sobbing in between words with tiny chokes.

Erry didn't say anything. He just looked down with the same blankness that surrounded the scene.

Elaeus' mother was crying and trying to revive Rita. Elie was sitting and sobbing, her sleek hair hanging over her face. Lan had brought this upon them. He looked away, hating himself for bringing all of this to them. He had to leave.

So Lan departed, not daring to look back. He had to make up for all this. Elaeus was dead and it was his fault. Elaeus' family was in mourning and it was his fault.

Suddenly the slight sound of rustling, and footsteps upon the grass came to Lan's ears. He looked back quickly.

Little Erry stood there, an asking look on his face. "Lan, please don't leave. We need you to stay, Lan", he pleaded. "You need to be here. I need you to be my brother now. We need you"

Lan bit his lip. "Erry, I can't. I have to make up for this. I can't be anything I'm not, and I'm not your brother    Elaeus was. It was my fault Elaeus died, and I can't take his place. Now, I need to end this war, so nobody else dies"

Erry looked down disappointedly. "Then end it, Lan... But, if you ever come back again, will you be my brother?"

Lan smiled sadly. "Maybe    if I ever come back. But now, just remember, even if I never come back, know that I'm sorry", and with that, Lan just ran, not even glancing back. Once he got out of the village and up the hill, he walked back to camp, looking back only once to see that Erry didn't follow.

When Lan got back, he went straight to Ariff. Ariff was sitting and binding his own battle wounds up when Lan found him.

"Ariff" Lan sat down with him.

Ariff looked up. "Lan, what is it? Elaeus' family...?"

"It went worse than I imagined. It's all my fault this had to happen..."

Ariff sighed and continued tying up his bandage. "No, it isn't"

Lan ignored the reply and continued. "I have to make up for this, Ariff. I have to make sure no one else dies. So there are no more widows and orphans wandering the streets, lamenting their husbands and fathers. I can't bring the twins back their brother, but I can make sure nobody else loses theirs"

"How?" Ariff stood up, raising a brow in question.

Lan stood straight and faced Ariff determinedly. "I will end this war for good. The Nistrians will crumble and fall until their white flag is the only thing left. I will avenge Elaeus"

***